TRUST US

My family is breakingSalam Guru,I am a 14-year-old girl studying in Grade IX in a reputable school. I have read your column a number of times and am really inspired by your handling of problems. I belong to a middle class family and apparently there is no problem in my life but Guru I am very sad from inside. Actually I live in a joint family and my grandmother likes to create rifts between my parents. She is never happy with my mother and always says nasty things about my mother. My parents have been married for 20 years and my grandmother always puts blame on my mother if anything bad happens in our family. My father is totally under his mother’s influence and he never takes his wife’s side. My mother is sick and tired of my grandma’s emotional dramas every now and then. She is considering separation. Guru, this situation is very worrisome for me. I have a younger sister who is only three and I don’t want her to grow up without a father. My grandmother hates my mother and I know she is never going to change. Please advise what I should do.Helpless TeenDear Helpless Teen,I can imagine your mental distress, my dear. Children need both their parents but in case of separation or divorce they are the ones who suffer a lot. However, don’t lose heart. Your mother is only considering separation, right, which means that there is still a chance of reconciliation. I know you are very young but you can tell your mom to review her decision for the sake of her children. After reading your letter I have come to this understanding that the only bone of contention is your grandmother. As a sensible and educated woman, your mom should ignore her taunts and try to deal with her very calmly and patiently instead of leaving her house. You are right your grandmother is not going to change at this age but your mother has to give her due respect and she should not retaliate in any case. I know it’s not an easy task but it is imperative on the part of your mother if she wants to have a normal life with her kids. Divorce or separation is not a viable solution. Your mother should also try to spend some quality time with your father. This will help them in building a level of trust. Sometimes lack of communication also leads to rifts. Now, it’s all in your mother’s hands how she treats her mother-in-law and how she handles her husband. Good luck! I am sick and tired of my fatherHello Guru, I have written you before and thanks for your valuable reply. This mail is again regarding my father. My father is 45 years of age, and he is having an affair with an office colleague. And no wonder he is treating his kids so badly. Anyways, he has threatened to kick us out of home but he is clueless that I have money. I have my own little business and I can live on my own. In fact I can afford to keep my mother and brothers with me and we can live a tension free life. But here the problem starts. My mother does not want to move out with me. She says that he is my father and I have to respect him as much as I can. My father does not care about my mother. Although he knows that she is a cancer patient, he has never taken her to the hospital. After what my father has done and is still doing, does he still deserve respect? Guru, I am very upset. I don’t understand my mother. Why she wants to stay with such a mean and selfish person is beyond my comprehension. Should I move out? I am sick and tired of my father.Disgruntled BoyDear Disgruntled Boy,You are young and emotional. You will never understand the kind of love your mother has for your father. He is her husband and despite knowing everything she still wants to live with him. So, I guess you cannot really force her to leave the house against her will. As far as her illness is concerned, why don’t you take her to the doctor and start her treatment before it’s too late. As a son, it is your responsibility, too, to take care of your mother. A word of advice: don’t leave your father’s house at this point. Your mother needs your support. You can leave the house when you become a little older, not now. Good luck!Kindly send your problems at: trustusproblems@yahoo.com

from The News International - US http://bit.ly/2U1tsFM