Letters

Dear Nadine,I am 42 years old. I am married, and have two kids. My son is two-and-a-half years old and daughter is a year old. I love both of them a lot. But, due to some financial crises and stressful environment at my workplace, I have become a psycho patient. I feel extreme anger at home when my kids make noise. In anger, I start beating or hitting them with whatever I have in my hand or around. When I cool down, I feel extremely repentant and promise myself never to hurt my kids again. But again, when I get angry I repeat the same act.I do not want to hurt my kids and want to make them confident members of the society. I do not want to ill-treat my kids, as I was badly treated by my parents in my childhood. Since past few days, my kids have stopped coming near me and stay quiet when I am around. My wife is stressed and is upset because of the way I have been behaving with my children. I want to change myself and live a peaceful life with my family. I need your help, please.Stressed FatherDear Stressed Father,We live in difficult times and there are very few lucky people who are not stressed about something or the other. The level of stress may vary according to age, gender and occupation but there is no escaping it in its entirety. However, different people handle stress differently. Some internalise it, some take it out on subordinates and some take it out on their family members like parents, wives, children, etc.It is said that children learn what they live, and you had a bad childhood. So, when things become hot, you tend to cool off by venting out on the people who can’t hit you back. The good thing, however, is that you are aware that your behaviour is unacceptable, and wish to change yourself for the better. The thing that can help you overcome this negative behaviour is your love for your family. And, if you really want to change, you must make a conscious effort. First of all, discuss your issue with your family. Talk to your wife and children about how things are at work and the stress you are under, and how bad you feel when you lose temper. Tell them you love them very much and don’t want to hurt them, and will try to find a solution. Then, consult a good psychologist and go to him/her regularly. Some people go for a couple of sessions and quit because they feel they just go to talk and it’s a waste of money, which isn’t right. I am sure if you persist, it will do wonders for your mental health.In the meantime, instead of going home directly from work, go for a physical activity to vent some spleen. Hopefully, this will help you till you can find a good psychologist. Best of luck! Problems that need a solution? You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.comWrite to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi. 

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