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I cannot marry my love so soonDear Guru,I am a 14 year-old-girl. I study in one of the prestigious schools of Islamabad. I belong to an affluent family. I have been in a relationship with a boy, H, since the past six months and we both love each other. No one knew about our clandestine relationship and we were very happy. But a few days ago H’s mother got to know about our relationship and she told him to either leave me or marry me. Guru, we both are too young to marry. H hasn’t completed his education and he needs few more years to build his career. We are serious about each other but marriage is out of the question at this stage. His mother has told H that she would talk to my mom. My parents had a love marriage but they are Pathans. If they come to know about my affair they will also not waste any time to marry me off. Guru, we love each other and will marry eventually but not now. Guru, I am very tensed. Should I take my mom in confidence? What should I do? Please help. Girl in LoveDear Girl in Love,You are absolutely right; you are too young to get married. In fact, you are too young to be even having an affair or to seriously get involved with someone. H’s mother seems like a wise woman, she has come up with this idea as she knows for sure that at this point both of you cannot afford to get married. Well, in our society girls do get married at young age but they are pressurized to do so because of poverty or ignorance. However, your case is different; you are facing this problem because of your own action. I suggest that you stop meeting H. I know it won’t be easy for you as you are supposedly in love with H. But, mind you, this is not genuine love; it’s just infatuation which you will realize after a few years. It’s better to break up with H at this stage. It’s in the best of your interests. And a word of advice, this is your age of innocence so enjoy your carefree days of life instead of complicating your life unnecessarily. Good luck! I am not confidentSalam Guru, I read your column with great interest and simply love the way you solve young people’s problems. I am a 20-year-old university student. I am from a middle class family. My father runs a small business whereas my mother is a homemaker. I have three siblings. I am the eldest daughter. Guru, I grew up in an atmosphere of fear and depression. My father is a tyrant and he always threatens my mother to divorce her if she disobeys him. Basically, my mother is from a very poor family, so the fear of divorce has made her a doormat. My father is also very strict with us. He never shows any affection towards us. Guru, this has affected my personality negatively. I have turned into a very timid and shy person. My confidence specifically gets drained in any interaction with boys. Unfortunately, I’m studying in a field where such interaction is inevitable. My body language shows to others that I am nervous, and I look like a scared dumb creature. Please help me overcome this attitude. I want to look confident. I don’t want to turn into an introvert. Timid GirlDear Timid Girl,Children who are brought up in a friendly and open atmosphere tend to be smarter and confident than those who are brought up in an aggressive and strict environment. Your father seems like a typical male chauvinist who has no idea his harsh behaviour has badly affected his children, especially you. Well, you are at an age where you can easily overcome your fear and complexes. Try not to follow your mother. So, it’s about time you start working on your personality; all you need is a firm commitment and some courage to face the world boldly. Start with baby steps; stand straight in front of the mirror and talk loudly. Notice your gestures and hand movements. Practice this every morning and soon you will notice a change in your behaviour. And don’t be intimidated by boys; they are not creatures from Mars. They are humans like us. Just treat them normally, and don’t feel nervous. Keep telling yourself that they are just your colleagues, and this will encourage you to talk to guys normally. Also read books on self-improvement, especially by Dale Carnegie. This will also help you a lot in gaining confidence. Good luck!Kindly send your problems at: trustusproblems@yahoo.com

from The News International - US http://bit.ly/2ZUXC1U