Letters

Dear Prof Nadine,I am a 27-year-old girl, at a good position in a bank. I want to marry my maternal cousin, D, but my father is against this match. He wants me to marry the son of his friend, because he feels that interfamily marriages are bad for relationships. Also, my father says that there is a lot of difference between the lifestyle of my family and my uncle’s and I would not be able to adjust with them. My mother loves her brother, but she is too scared of my father to speak on my behalf. I know that D’s mother dislikes my mother and has told some relatives that she only proposed for me because D was adamant about it, although she is against the match. D has become dejected and is usually in a bad mood when he talks to me. He says he loves me, but can’t change his mom’s heart. And he also told me once that he has promised his mother that if she lets him marry me, he would never again do anything against her wishes. I am always tensed nowadays, as I don’t know how his family will treat me if I get married to him. My mother wants me to stick to my guns but my father and brothers think I should not take such a big risk with my life. I love my father and trust his judgement but it’s my heart that still wants D. What should I do? Wretched VDear Wretched V,You are an educated working girl, so instead of giving free rein to your heart, use your brain. Think this whole thing through logically before doing something you might regret later on. Your aunt does not want you to marry her son, which means she will probably give you a tough time. You have stated that you trust your father’s judgement, so let him decide what is best for you. Your father and brothers are being logical, but your mother is being emotional because she wants you to be married in her family. D has already promised his mother he would be a ‘good boy’ so you won’t get any support from him against his mother in case things go wrong. I know it is easier said than done, but you should try to forget D. Why enter a marriage where the groom’s mother dislikes you already? In life, we cannot always get what we want, and sometimes what we want is not good for us. Think about the son of your father’s friend, and forget D across someone who will love you and respect you instead of being so indifferent about your happiness. Good luck!Problems that need a solution? You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.comWrite to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.

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