Letters

Hi Nadine Khan,I am a 26-year-old girl. By profession, I am an electrical engineer. While in university, I was friends with a very decent guy, J. When we graduated, I got a job here in Karachi but he went to do Masters from England. He used to call me once in a while, and I would sometimes do the same. Two months back, he came back to attend his sister’s wedding and invited all his friends from university. His sister sort of liked me and few days after the wedding, J’s parents and sister came to our house with my proposal. My parents asked my opinion and I told them J was a great guy, but there wasn’t anything between us, so it was totally up to them. My brother asked his friend in England to find out what he could about J, and was satisfied with what information he got. So my parents said yes and J came to Pakistan for a week for our engagement ceremony. The wedding date was set a month after J’s graduation. This is where the fairy tale ends. J’s father had a stroke and he came for a week. Then he went back and wrote me a long letter to call off our engagement. He said his father would not be able to work and he would have to support his family. He has two unmarried sisters and a brother who is in medical college. He said he did not foresee such tough life for me and wants me to have a happy married live. I called him and told him I would wait, but he said he didn’t know how long it will take him to put his affairs in order, and it would be unfair on his part to make me wait. The thing is that now I have started loving him and cannot get him out of my mind. I also feel hurt because he just dumped me for his family! I am not important for him at all. How could he do that to me? My parents think I should forget him and marry someone else as waiting indefinitely is not an option. I don’t want to marry another guy, but how can I convince my parents to wait? Can you give me a solution?Dumped FiancéeDear Dumped Fiancée,It seems J really cares for you, as he put your interest first and called off the engagement. So, I don’t think you should feel dumped. J is a decent person and after taking stock of the situation he realised he would not be able to marry you any time soon. So he did the right thing and gave you an out. The rest depends on how much you love him. Are you willing to share his problems? After all, you are an engineer with a job, and if you marry J, you wouldn’t be dependent on him financially. But it is possible that things would be tough for some time. If you can handle that, talk to J, and tell him that you don’t want to marry anyone else. Since you are 26, you both can wait for a couple of years. In that time, J can help his family and you can save money. The important thing is to decide when you will get married. Your parents are right; you cannot wait indefinitely, but with a set timeframe, things can work out. If J is worth waiting for, convince him not to give you up. Good luck!Dear Professor,I am a 28-year-old working girl. I live with my married brother along with my youngest sister, who is 21. I have another brother H, who is 24. He works in a small company and his pay is not good. My sister is doing BBA and I pay her tuition fees. I have been in love with a colleague, D, for seven years. We were in university together and ended up in the same office. He had some family issues and was unable to send his parents when my parents were alive. My parents passed away one after the other, and my sister-in-law took hold of the house. Since my father passed away, I started paying for my siblings’ education as my brother told me that he had his two children to worry about. When D’s family issues got resolved, his parents came to meet my brother with D’s proposal, but my sister-in-law told them that I was already spoken for, which was not true. When they left, she told me in front of my brother that if I got married she would not pay the fees of my sister. My sister has another year to go, but D’s parents don’t want to wait as his father has a heart problem and he is the only child of his parents. I told D what my sister-in-law said, but he says I must marry him in a couple of months at the most because he does not want to disappoint his parents. My brother H says he would contribute some money for the fees but it won’t be enough. I am so conflicted; should I go ahead and marry D against my eldest brother’s wishes, and leave my sister in a lurch, or should I give up D?I am confused, and dejected, and don’t quite know what to do. Any advice for me?Dejected Big SisDear Dejected Big Sis,You are a brave girl, and you should not give up on your happiness. You have done a lot for your family, and must now think about your own life. You are worried about your sister, but she is 21 and an adult. Tell her to start looking for part-time work or tuitions. Also, tell D that you would continue to support her even after your marriage till your sister graduates. You love D, and if you don’t decide now you will lose him. You must make your sister realise that she should start earning some money to pay for her fees. Things can be worked out and with three of you contributing to the fees, the burden would not fall on you alone. Good luck.Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.comWrite to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.

from The News International - You http://bit.ly/2WyaPeY