Letters

Dear Professor,I am a 24-year-old married woman, and I have been married for six months. My problem is my parents-in-law who are too possessive of their son. I realise that my husband is their only son and they want to spend time with him, but he is also my only husband and I feel frustrated when they take all his free time. They have no concept of privacy and even when he is with me they keep calling him on cell.I hardly ever go out with him anywhere alone, as my husband includes them in all the plans.My parents-in-law are good people and they try to take care of me, too. Otherwise, I have no problems, and in a way I am lucky! I have a car and can come and go as I please. My parents-in-law are never mean towards me, and often give me gifts. I should be happy, but I want my husband to give me undivided attention. I feel frustrated because they are so good otherwise that I don’t have any other complaint. I told my parents about my problem but even they said I should thank God that I have such good in-laws. I think my parents-in-law don’t really want me to be close to my husband, and I don’t know how to make my parents and husband understand my feelings and my problem. They think I have a good husband, house and lifestyle and I am lucky and should be grateful to God instead of complain about ‘petty’ things.Please suggest a solution.Upset WifeDear Upset Wife,Sometimes when we don’t have a real problem we create problems for ourselves instead of thanking God for giving us a hassle free life. You have a problem free, good life so please don’t spoil it.You think your parents-in-law are deliberately monopolising your husband’s time, but what you don’t understand is that they have been used to having him to themselves. You are newly married and your parents-in-law should understand that as a wife you also are entitled to spend time with your husband, but they don’t seem to be bad or mean people bent on creating mischief. So, I suggest that instead of making an issue out of it, deal with the problem diplomatically. Make plans in front of your parents-in-law about going for a morning walk or breakfast. Or ask him to take you out for ice cream. When you go to your parents’ house, stay there for an hour or so and then go out with your husband and spend quality time with him. And, it will help if you start trying to be a part of your husband’s family. When your husband is with your parents-in-law, you also sit with them as a family member. In a subtle way, you can say that you were bored so you came to their room. Maybe you would, on this way, be able to break their party early, without offending anyone. Please realise that your parents-in-law love your husband as he is their only son. Also, they have been used to having his company without sharing him. It would just take some time to make them understand that you, too, want his company. Just be a little patient and hopefully thing would turn out well. Best of luck!Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.comWrite to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi. 

from The News International - You http://bit.ly/2QtOCwe