Mothers of the world

This Mother’s Day You! talks to a few mummies to know what motherhood is for them, and the different notions of parenting in the west and east...motherhood is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. It marks a new chapter in every mother’s story. It is unlimited as you can’t box it in a single term. It is exhausting as you almost have to forget yourself to raise a human being that you gave birth to. Motherhood is kisses, cuddles and late night snuggles. It is re-building the pieces. It’s fixing the broken Lego tower, demolished by the loud toddler. Motherhood is stressful as it needs 25 hours in a day and eight days in a week...There is no one definition of motherhood. Rather, it’s an accumulation of so many things. It’s different for every woman yet it works for the same idea i.e raising a child with love and care, whether you live in west or east. This Mother’s Day You! talks to several mummies to know what motherhood is for them and the different notions of parenting in the west and east... The idea of motherhood“Motherhood to me is seeing the world through my daughter’s eyes. The pure joy that she gets from the little things, has made me really understand my own gratitude. Motherhood is hard sometimes but that joy is the biggest reward!” expresses Tiffany Kucharski who is a Director of Partnership at a local magazine in Chicago. On the other hand, embarking on a journey of motherhood has been nothing but resilience at its best for Uzma Batool, who is a doting mommy based in Sharjah. “From sleepless nights and desensitised brains to fighting my inner fears and mix bags of emotions while catering to my child’s needs has been a feat of patience and strength. Motherhood is a continuous learning process in which you grow through as you go through. No amount of ‘dummies for parenting’ books will be accurate enough to make you prepare for the bittersweet experience that comes in all its glory. Perhaps the only thing that keeps you going is the overwhelming amount of love and gratitude that encourages the maternal instincts to take care of the precious child,” enunciates Uzma. “Being a mother of three sons, I try to teach them to be kind, honest, brave and hardworking.” - Alison SchaferFor some mothers like Alison Schafer, a professor of Journalism in Washington DC, and Alicia Driskill, CEO of a local publication in Chicago, motherhood is to raise their kids to be decent human beings and love them unconditionally.With different perspectives, Mrs Khalid, a teacher and editor of a youth magazine in Karachi, gives a rare insight about what motherhood is. According to her, quantifying motherhood is not simple. She tells, “I don’t think many moms actually think about what their idea of motherhood is; they just go with the flow. But if I have to encapsulate my feelings, it would be to always be there for my children.”However, for being a mother, it is also important to be friends with your child. “I believe in being a friend first and giving my child space as she is growing up. By giving children space I don’t mean that you shouldn’t be vigilant with your child. However, as a mother, it is essential to inculcate a sense of what is right and what is not. Guidance is key but that doesn’t mean that I impose on her what I think is correct. I want my daughter to be able to make her own decisions and learn from her mistakes,” sums up Mrs Ahsan, a journalist in Karachi.The rule of thumb in parentingAlicia thinks that being around your child should be the most important rule of parenting. “There are so many distractions now and most families have two working parents. It is imperative that we are present when spending time with the kids so they feel valued and get the attention they need to grow and learn.” “Embarking on a journey of motherhood has been nothing but resilience at its best.” - Uzma Batool“In my humble opinion, appreciation is a key element in instilling good behaviour in a child. A little pat on the back, a peck on the cheeks, a hearty clapping and a courteous thank you goes a long way,” shares Uzma who is a first-time mom and totally new on this parenting gig.According to Mrs Ahsan, “After you become a mother you learn a lot of things. You will find out what to do with a child only when you’re experiencing it for yourself. Everyone has their own way of bringing up their children; there are no hard and fast rules.”There are certain labels given to parents of different categories which also describe the rule of thumb they follow with their kids. Protective parents, over protective parents, people going through parental OCD and what not. But a lot of other terms and concepts are taking root in the world of parenting in the west regarding which Tiffany informs, “In this day and age, there is a new parenting word like ‘lawnmower parent’ or ‘helicopter parent’. Lawnmower parent ‘mows down’ any obstacles, issues or problems for their kid so they never have to deal with anything bad. Similarly, helicopter parent takes excessive interest in the life of their child or children.”The best values for your childFor nurturing the best values in a child, Mrs Khalid affirms, “Children learn what they observe. If a child sees politeness and courtesy all around, would learn civility. So basic things like being fair and considerate go a long way in shaping a child’s character. Getting up early, showing respect to elders, cleaning up your own mess and working hard instead of cutting corners. You do all this and your child will emulate you.” On the other hand, Alison asserts, “We’re having a bit of a crisis of kid raising, at least in the US. A lot of parents want to be friends with their kids and not ever discipline them or say ‘no’ to them. I say this because I teach at a university and observe many lawnmower parents doing a lot of stuff on behalf of their children. Being a mother of three sons, what I do is, I try to teach them to be kind, honest, brave and hardworking. I do it by giving them some independence and yet expecting them to have high moral standards.”According to Uzma, “There are certain basic values that I would love to inculcate in my little one. Besides learning the basics of religion, I would like to ingrain kindness and curiosity in him. Furthermore, as a mother of a boy, I feel I have a greater responsibility to make my child self-sufficient in taking care of his basic needs. He needs to understand that it is totally okay to cook and clean and help around the house and that too, free of any guilt.” “I want my kids to know that I love them unconditionally.” - Alicia Driskill“If you want to instil values in your children, you have to be an example yourself. You can’t expect your kid to be honest, loving and caring if you are not. You have to be careful with your actions in front of them. Kids tend to copy their parents - if you are yelling all the time, your child will repeat the same. Since my daughter came into this world, I try to better myself with every passing day,” tells Mrs Ahsan. “Motherhood to me is seeing the world through my daughter’s eyes.”–Tiffany KucharskiFor Tiffany, her three-year-old daughter needs to learn kindness, empathy, curiosity and how to be independent. “I try to teach her how important it is to be kind to someone. I hear about all these stories of bullying and it breaks my heart. I try to tell her that we are all unique and if someone looks different or acts differently, that is their special gift. Also, independence teaches her that she can accomplish anything she desires! To teach her this, I let her pick ou her own clothes and shoes, also let her put them on herself etc.”Stories about reprimanding a childChildren often engage in mischief. They do what they’re not supposed to, they don’t do what they are supposed to, and sometimes they don’t listen at all. Over time, this child discipline situation can make parents feel very frustrated and angry. On asking how to reprimand if a child becomes mischievous, Alicia shares, “We use the time-out method. If my kids aren’t listening, they get a time-out to calm down. If they are still acting out, we take away their access to TV or iPad. They only get these on the weekend so it’s a high value reward they don’t want to lose.”In the east, when it comes to a child’s mischievous behaviour, parents often tend to make mistakes, as Mrs Khalid discusses, “In our culture, parents tend to give everything to their children, but fail to actually ‘talk’ to them. Endearments aside, how many parents do you see explaining things reasonably to their kids? In my career as a school teacher, I have seen parents treating their children like trophies to show off when they do well at studies, and shout at them and punish them sternly when they fail to excel. They only scare them, which makes it difficult for the children to seek help if they need it from their parents. So reprimanding is not something that should be done lightly, regardless of the child’s age. Right from the beginning, don’t let the child get away with bad behaviour. Moms don’t bother when they see their children wreaking havoc in other people’s home, but in their own house they don’t let children make mess or break things. In my house, a cousin’s son kept on trying to break decoration pieces, and his mother just said ‘he is so naughty’ with a smile. But when the ‘naughty’ child threw juice on her Bareeze ka suit (Bareeze’s dress), she slapped him immediately! If a child is brought up well, he doesn’t misbehave or need to be reprimanded.” Some common trends among mummiesWith new age there comes a number of new trends for parenting - be it for a child’s personal growth or maintaining a good health. However, eastern moms are very rigid to acquire them. Mrs Ahsan also gives her two cents on that. “Mums in the east don’t want to evolve with changing times. In fact, I have seen kids who feel suffocated at home due to restrictions which ultimately results in dire consequences. What every parent needs to understand is that a child is an individual as well. Lots of love, care, understanding and a little space can go a long way. Kids need to be tackled in a manner that they don’t become rebels. The circumstances were different when I was young, but with changing times I have to evolve as a mother so that my child knows that I am her well-wisher not her enemy.”Apart from a child’s personal growth, some moms in the west talk about the trends they follow in terms of their children’s health. “I feel like the biggest trend right now is healthier food alternatives for children. A lot of moms I know chose to make their own baby food at home instead of purchasing from the grocery store. Breastfeeding has been a big comeback and mums feel a lot of pressure to breastfeed. Everything has shifted to organic and mothers have started to pay attention to ingredients in everything from food to diapers to SPF. Childhood obesity is a huge issue here in the USA so this has really shined a light on what our children are eating at home and in schools!” elucidates Tiffany.Making career choices & having ‘me-time’For mothers, taking care of themselves is just as important as taking care of everyone else. This is what Uzma believes in. “Remember you are advised to wear the oxygen mask first before helping others while travelling in an airplane. Similarly, in my opinion self-care should be of utmost importance. I happen to live in a nuclear setting and my boy is totally dependent on me. Hence, I hardly ever get an off from my mum-duties, and it is important that I get my necessary me-time to unwind from daily ruckus. For me, writing has been quite therapeutic hence I do content writing whenever I have time. An hour of physical activity every day which includes Zumba or simple stroll in nearby park, brings an amazing adrenaline rush and successfully breaks the mundane lifestyle.”On the other hand, Alison believes that having your career choices and time for yourself is very difficult after having kids. “I remember having little kids and working full time and just feeling so overwhelmed that I had this fantasy in my mind about being sent to a hospital for a ‘rest cure’, so I could just be quiet and read a book. When they are little it is really difficult. And of course, some men are helpful, but the statistics show that women carry the brunt of EVERYTHING - housework, cooking, kids....”But Mrs Khalid views me-time from a different perspective, “Well, it’s true that you hardly get free hours with young kids but once they grow up, you get plenty of time for yourself. So, cherish the period when you have their undivided attention. Eventually, you will have your me-time later in life.”

from The News International - You http://bit.ly/2WsOK1h