A bond like no other...

heart-to-heartSomeone who read my blog ‘Mothering Sunday’ asked if I would like to write a piece for Mother’s Day in Pakistan. I jumped at the golden opportunity, after all, what better topic to write on and be back in print after a very long time. In the UK, ‘Mothering Sunday’ (Mother’s Day) was on March 31st and Mother’s Day in Pakistan is on May 12th. I’m pointing this out because I begin with when we celebrated in London.Mothering Sunday was very special for a number of reasons. We were remembering our mothers, the clocks had gone forward, the days had grown longer, spring was in the air, and daffodils, tulips, bluebells and daisies to be seen all around. We did gardening, took Coco (our doggie) for a long walk, and I forget what I cooked. That day, we called my ma in Karachi to wish her. My mum-in-law passed away in 2007 and one of my biggest regrets is not having met her. By all accounts, we would have got on very well. We got married literally eighteen months after mum died. At times, I think to myself she’s left a part of herself in our care, my family’s and mine. We don’t have children of our own but we have nieces and nephews. And as I’ve grown older, becoming a middle-aged aunt, it’s impossible not to observe how much harder it is to bring up children in today’s world. A friend and father of two young ones once said, “Modern parenting is like a minefield.” I believe technology plays a huge part in this minefield.Mothers all around the world in developed and developing countries face many similar issues. There is the undeniable hardship of conception, pregnancy, birthing, breastfeeding and finding that your entire world now revolves around this new life you’ve brought into this world that is entirely at your mercy. And you shall henceforth sacrifice yourself for it, only that too happily.Countries in which birth control and abortion is either illegal or prohibited by religion or social factors has a higher maternal and infant mortality death rate. Countries in which birth control and abortion are legal also face loud and angry voices against these practices. We watched a programme called ‘Call the Midwife’ and it’s just that - season after season of mothers having babies, sometimes just the one, at times two or more. It’s set in the late ‘50s early ‘60s when the world of medicine was very different, yet it is striking how even (the lack) of expertise then still made for a simpler life. You would think to yourself how many babies can you watch in a programme? With this one, you can’t get enough. The wonder of watching and listening to a woman in labour, how some face death while hoping to bring healthy life into this world, the pain and agony, which I cannot imagine. The umbilical cord being snipped and that screeching wail, which sounds almost as though the baby doesn’t like where it is. The mother, soaked in perspiration, utterly exhausted cannot wait to set her eyes on her baby, hold it upon her bosom, while all the torture is erased, and that can only tell you one thing, that it was obviously well worth it. I’m a complete baby person, terrified of holding them because of the fear of dropping them, but a cosy looking bundle of joy is irresistible. The baby fragrance and that look, the look of recognition and acknowledgment, and if you get a smile out of them well that’s top. Toddlers can be great. Teenagers, of today, scare me. It’s a sad, sad reality.Unfortunately, the knife crime in London is tragically targeting vulnerable children. And when they die, the pain etched in their mother’s eyes is trauma they will never be able to blink away. No matter how hard they squeeze their eyes shut. No parent is made to bury their child. There are mothers who have taken things into their own hands and patrol neighbourhoods and schools. They will not stop at anything so long as their brood is safe.Should we judge those mothers whose children decide to carry knives? Who knows what their lives are about? Dysfunctional, yes they are. They come from broken homes, abusive relationships, drugs, no family support, barely any from the government, especially for women suffering from domestic abuse. They are mothers, but they are women, first, you have to be a woman to be a mother, and no mother should have to endure these crimes against humanity.There also comes a time when there is a role reversal and our mothers become the child, that is our time to repay all they have done their entire lives for us. We’re here because of them; they’ve given us succour and will even sell their souls to help us every step of the way.I have a friend, we live many miles away from each other now, but I recently made it a mission to meet her in Karachi and see her baby boy and get introduced to her very sweet husband. She’s had her baby in her late-forties, so it was a precious pregnancy and much needed blessing for her whole family. She’s the same and yet the weight on her body gives her an air of being holistic, when she’s with her son. She’s the embodiment of contentment and pride.I have another friend who had her child at 40 and it’s very challenging to spend a significant decade of your life to raise your child. I know how much this mother endures and yet can’t help but give more and more of herself. I believe it’s because although the umbilical cord itself is severed - the womb never forgets the scent. Some argue Mother Nature intended women to bear children at ‘a young age’. What should this age be and who should determine it? If only life had all the pieces to the jigsaw puzzle and the picture right there before us. Even in the Animal Kingdom and within Mother Nature itself, the hardships the mothers endure to protect their young and shield them from prey, is a survival instinct that can only come from deep within the womb. I remember going to a science museum once and entering a dark room in which I heard this rhythmic, hypnotic, lulling beat, thud thud thud. It was the mother’s heartbeat which the baby can hear in the womb. It was barely believable.We remember our mothers, eternally, in this world, and the next. Those of us who are able to celebrate with our mothers in their lifetime are blessed. There is all the festiveness with bouquets of flowers, chocolates, a special meal and a gift. A day to rejoice the most powerful woman in our lives, who some of us will end up becoming in our later years. We must also not forget those mothers who have passed away. As they look down upon us in the form of stars and angels watching over us, we wish them from the depths of our hearts and souls.Happy Mother’s Day xThe contributor is a journalist who writes freelance, is a copy editor and blogger (mimikhan69.wordpress.com). She can be contacted at mimikhan69@gmail.com

from The News International - You http://bit.ly/2WyaOHW