Letters

Dear Nadine,

I am a 19-year-old college student. My problem is that my mother is very strict and she doesn’t trust me. I am not allowed to go to my friends’ house. I cannot even attend college functions that are held after college hours. Some days back I caught her checking my text messages. I am not into any wrong stuff. I don’t talk to boys but she was checking my messages! I felt hurt and insulted. When I ask her why she does all this she simply says that I am not mature and it is her duty to look after me so I don’t get into mischief. At times I feel so frustrated that I feel like doing something wrong! At times I wonder if my mother is normal. I have to control myself because I often feel like shouting at her when she snoops around trying to find out God knows what!

What I resent most is that my 20-year-old brother was secretly having a relationship with a girl. My parents found out about it and told him to stop. He promised that he would, but didn’t. But they did not restrict him in any way! My record is spotless but my mother still treats me if I am hiding something from her.

Please suggest something to help me. How can I make my mother understand that I am an adult and I know enough not to get into trouble?

Desperate for Trust

Dear Desperate for Trust,

Your mother loves you, but it’s her sense of duty towards you that has created all these issues. Your distress at your mother’s behaviour is justified, but try to understand that in her own way, your mother is trying to protect you. In our society, even today boys get away with anything and girls’ smallest faults are blown to bits. Your mother just wants to make sure that nothing untoward happens and your spotless reputation remains spotless. I am not saying she is right; it’s her way of doing what is correct.

I believe your mother should not ignore your brother’s conduct; boys shouldn’t be spoiled because if they become sidetracked it’s bad for their future, too. Nowadays, equal care should be given to boys and girls.

But, if you feel that despite your spotless record, your mother isn’t giving you the trust you deserve, talk to her and try to make her understand that you will never do anything to break her trust. If she remains unconvinced, ask her respectfully what she thinks you need to do to earn her trust.

I am sure she will tell you that she trusts you but doesn’t trust the bad people out there whose aim of life is to cast aspersions on other people’s character. If you can, convince her that people will not change but her trust in you would make you strong and protect you from any slurs they may cast, your mother just may change her way of thinking. I hope she can understand that you are a mature and sensible girl, worthy of her trust. Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail

Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News,

Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi. 

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