Letters

Dear Professor,

I work in a private firm. In my section, there is this guy Z who became friendly with me when I joined the firm one year ago. He helped me with few things till I settled down, so I was really grateful to him. After a couple of months, Z told me that he wanted to marry me. I was over the moon, as he is very good looking. I told him to speak to my brother, as my parents died when I was 14 and my brother and sister-in-law brought me up. He called my brother and talked to him and my brother invited him to dinner. Z made a good impression and my brother okayed him. He told Z to bring his mother and Z said his mother lives in Multan but he would call her to Karachi. One day, when Z was not around, a girl, S, who works with me asked me what sort of a person he was. I was surprised by this question and asked her the reason for this inquiry. She told me that Z had proposed to her and she was thinking about it. I disclosed my relationship to her and she became very upset. She informed me that Z had been borrowing money from him and she had been lending him about three thousand per month from her pocket money because she had believed he was serious about marrying her. Nadine, I am not very well off myself, but Z has been borrowing money from me as well. I even sold my mother’s ring to pay for his tuition fees. I was very upset and had it out with him. He denied borrowing money from S and said that it was the girl who was following him and he wasn’t interested in her. There have been other female callers who ask for him, but he says that they are his students as he gives them tuition.

A month later that colleague got a better job offer with a good package. After his notice period, he moved to his new office. He then sent me a text message saying that his mother had changed his mind and he could not marry me since everyone in his family was against this proposal.

I am shattered at this deception. He still keeps on texting me, and says that he can only love and trust me, but is helpless in front of his mother. I still have a soft spot for him and cannot forget him, although I am trying hard. He says that he wants to maintain relationship with me, as he cannot survive without talking to me at least once a day. Since then, he has even asked me to lend him money a couple of times, but my best friend has told me not to believe his story.

So far, I have not told my family what has happened. I am afraid that they would taunt me and I don’t know how I will face the situation.

My friend thinks I should not speak to him, so I stopped taking his calls on my cell. However, he calls at my landline and asks my sister to call me. I then have to talk to him because my sisters don’t know about the break up. I feel very depressed and don’t know what to do in this situation. Please tell me how to solve this problem.

Deceived Girl

Dear Deceived Girl,

I am sorry about the deception this guy perpetrated on you. Of course you feel shattered and depressed, but you are a sensible girl and with a little determined effort you will get over him. Since you know what a jerk he is, you will forget him very quickly. You were taken in by this guy who fleeced you as long as he could with his sob stories. One thing that girls should realise is that those guys who ask them for money directly or indirectly are not sincere with them. No self-respecting, decent guy ever asks a girl for money. The moment he made this a habit you should have realised that he was using you. My dear, it was not very wise to reject the proposal you had on the basis of a phone call. After all, how could you be sure that it was his mother who had spoken to you or your sister? It seems that this guy is in the habit of fleecing gullible young females by promising marriage and when he cannot get any further benefit from them, he moves on to other gullible girls. You must now give him a strong shut up call, and inform your family that you have broken up with him. You can tell them about the girls and I am sure your sisters will understand and sympathise. You may come in for a bit of scolding, but it would be better to inform your family members that you have been deceived. This would also put an end to his unwelcome calls on your landline.

Also, whatever he says do not waste your hard earned money at him. Just cut him off as if he never existed, as this guy is bad news.

My dear, unfortunate as they are, these things are a part of life. You had a bad experience, but all men are not like that. In time you would find someone decent, so forget this guy as a bad dream and pray to God for a good proposal.

Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail

Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine,

The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.

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